IMPACT OF DIVORCE
Divorce is the death of a relationship. Divorce is one of the most painful events that someone can go through. The pain of separation, betrayal, disappointment, humiliation, hurt, rejection can be so painful, the pain can translate and affect your physical well-being.
You must remember that what your spouse has done or is doing does not define who you are. You are your own identity and responsible for your own actions.
DO A HEALTH CHECK
Are you holding a grudge against God? Are you furious with God because of unjust circumstances? Are you angry with your ex-spouse for leaving you? Are you angry with yourself, experiencing remorse and regret on decisions you’ve made?Are you often talking about what your ex-spouse did to you? How they disappointed you? When you think about your past relationship with your spouse, do you feel an over-whelming anger or rage within you?
If you have answered yes to any of the above, more than likely you are carrying pain. Pain is a burden that is not necessary for you to carry.
Being divorced can leave you in a very lonely place. A place that is isolating, a place where no-one seems to be able to relate to your unique circumstance. You may have many people around, however, feel so alone amongst company.
Many divorcees will do anything to fill the void of loneliness, whether it be a long-distance online relationship, or quickly entering into a new relationship or obsessing over something, most don’t want to deal with the reality of pain and will find distractions and short-term quick fixes to fill the void and numb the pain.
It is vital that we follow the steps of forgiveness, in order to allow the healing process to kick in.
FORGIVE AND LET GO
It is normal to feel angry, cheated, robbed and disappointed after divorce. It is normal to experience depression, fear, anxiety, guilt, concern, sadness, loneliness, pain and abandonment.
You must forgive others, forgive the one that has hurt you and not be angry with God. If you are truly seeking inner healing and peace, the one key is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the key to release you from pain. Forgiveness may not be something that happens instantly. You don’t have to rely on our own strength to forgive. God will give you the grace to forgive one another, just in the same manner it is through His grace and love that He has forgiven us. Who are we to consider forgiving another, when we have committed the biggest sin against the One that surrendered His life to forgive us.
The most important things to kick start healing process from a divorce is to forgive. You may be thinking, if only you knew what my spouse did to me, if you only knew the pain and abuse, the public humiliation and embarrassment, the abandonment and ungratefulness to the years of loyalty I put into my marriage. Regardless, healing will not occur unless you forgive and let go. We must be imitators of God’s love towards us.
Matthew 6:12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors.
You may be asking yourself, if God loved me so much and is for marriage, why then did He allow my marriage to breakdown?
We need to be mindful that God is for marriage and that divorce is not part of His will. God has given us free-will to make our own decisions. If a spouse has not fulfilled their duties within the marriage or if they have walked away from your marriage, God is not to be blamed.
As much pain and suffering you have endured as a direct effect of divorce, God also shares in your grief and pain.
Psalm 56:8 You number and record my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle—are they not in Your book?
Every tear you shed, the Lord has collected. This is how deep the Father’s love for you. Upon reading this verse, I can’t help imaging barrels for all the tears that have been shed.
God wants you to be healed. He says in Psalm 147:3, He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.