We shared a beautiful water-front apartment, had thriving careers, went on extensive holidays annually, regularly dined out and made some pretty good financial investments to set us up for life. We were members of our local church and I truly thought we had it all. We were planning on having children at 35, and well, life was pretty cruisy. We had it all figured. Well, this is what I thought until my husband sat me down for dinner and said those dreaded words. Words that no-one is ever prepared for. There was not much of a lead up as he cowardly blurted out that he wanted a divorce. A divorce!
I remember just freezing up, not knowing if I was in a dream. I couldn’t believe it? We had everything going for us, we were planning on having children within 12 months and my husband tells me he wants a divorce? I didn’t even know what to feel or say. I was outraged and angry. How could a person, let alone my husband (now former) tell me that he wants a divorce.
I demanded answers. I didn’t even know our relationship was on the rocks. Well, it was only a matter of time until I found out that my husband had eyes for another. The ultimate betrayal! How could he? Wasn’t he the one to ask my hand in marriage? We made vows before God to love one another through thick and thin, we had everything going for us but yet, despite all this, he was willing to walk away from everything for another woman?
I barely coped for the first 12 months. Every day was pain, pain that affected me physically. I felt so rejected, embarrassed and publicly humiliated. It was like my husband crushed me, spat on me and hung me up for public display.
Talking about it was just painful, people trying to understand even more painful. It was a period in my life where I realised that my foundation was not set right. I had to go back to my roots and start from the beginning. This started off by blocking off all the noise in my life, refocusing and setting my eyes on my Creator, God. It was only when I got to that point, a point of complete surrender, that I was able to start forgiving. I forgave my husband, I forgave myself, I let go of what I felt I deserved and gave it all up. I also had to be set free from rejection.
It was then that I started feeling peace and finding satisfaction. God helped me get my foundations straight, my priorities straight. I had to let go of a lot of things that I had clung to for years, hurts that I hadn’t let go of. One by one, my burdens lessened as I placed them at the foot of the cross. After some period of change and adjustment and hard work from my part, I once again have joy, direction and purpose!