Separation is painful and unexpected. No-one commits to a relationship foreseeing a breakdown. Separation can be the result of abandonment, rejection, infidelity. When there is offence, hurt or discord, the enemy often puts barriers in place, including thoughts to make reconciliation difficult. This often results in heartbreak.


Reconciliation is the best option, but not the only option. There are boundaries within a relationship that once crossed over, can be very difficult to reconcile. For example, marital unfaithfulness. Forgiveness and no re-occurrence is the better option. In the case of marital unfaithfulness, the impact to the partner that the act was committed against is betrayal. A betrayal of trust, your vow (given at the alter), marital unfaithfulness which often results in public embarrassment and humiliation.

Matthew 5.23-24 – Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the alter and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.


Matthew 6.14-15 – For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

How do I know if I am holding on to unforgiveness? Are you affected by feelings of:

  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Resentment
  • Hurt
  • Betrayal
  • Expectations not being met

If you have said yes to any of this, then it is likely you are holding on to a grudge.

Extending forgiveness to someone that has caused extreme pain or hurt, regardless of the perpetrators intention, can be seen as weak, or even radical. It is within our human nature, when someone wrongs us, betrays, hurts or abuses us, to hurt them back, to inflict that same pain they inflicted on us, to have a desire to see them suffer in the same way they caused us.

  • Unforgiveness will always take a toll on you
  • Unforgiveness allows a platform of unfulfilled revenge to develop, leading to bitterness

Forgiveness is so important. In the same manner we have been forgiven and reconciled with our Father, we must also forgive one another. We must also forgive ourselves. Often this is the most difficult part.

Separation often causes emotional wounds, that need to be addressed, requiring both parties involved the need for inner healing.

For those that choose to forgive their partner, there will need to be a healing plan where trust is restored. Of course, this can take years to regain the trust that was lost. If you do forgive your partner, it is important that the issue is addressed in an appropriate way, including counselling as well as the ‘incident’ not being a reoccurring topic of discussion.

Forgiveness means that we let go of the issue, therefore, we move forward from the issue. It is important that if you do take your partner back, that both parties need to make a conscience and intentional effort to move forward.

The benefits of forgiveness include:

  • You no longer feel threatened by the perpetrator
  • You no longer feel accused
  • Release negative feelings associated with unforgiveness
  • Relieves stress
  • It’s a choice to live in freedom

Choosing forgiveness as a lifestyle, it required intentional living!