Thomas was 42 years old, married, yet, lonely, suffering symptoms of rejection. Thomas had two children, 7 & 9, had a good paying job, played sport, is part of the men’s group at his local church, however, felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Thomas had felt lonely ever since he could remember. He thought that once he was married, had his own family, the feeling of loneliness would leave, but it didn’t, in fact, it intensified.
He had a good relationship with his wife, Tamara, however, often felt that she wasn’t fully invested in him and the marriage. Dinner was an eventful daily activity that brought on so much frustration and tension between Thomas and his wife. His wife detested cooking and so made little to no effort, often grabbing takeaway for the family and encouraging them to eat in front of the TV. To Thomas, this made him feel that his wife Tamara, did not love him or value him, by her not making any effort, despite this being regularly discussed.
An an only child, Thomas grew up with both his parents, TV meals were routine. On occasion, they would sit around the table and talk to Thomas and he began to associate his parent’s one-on-one attention he so desperately craved and needed, as love. He also associated his TV meals as rejection, thinking his parents did not want to talk to him, prioritising the TV over him.
It is clear in this scenario that Thomas’ irrational thought process is causing him to suffer rejection.
At some point in life, you will or would have experienced some form of rejection. Whether it be from family, a broken down relationship/friendship or not being included in certain social groups, one thing we all have in common, we all experience rejection.
We were created and designed with inner needs, needs that only our Creator, God, can fulfill, including:
- Security – a sense of being loved
- Self-worth – a sense of being valued
- Significance – a sense of meaning and purpose
There are many events that can contribute or cause deep rejection, some of them including:
- Comparison with others
- Issues around conception/birth
- Issues in the home – abuse, poverty
- Generational addictions
- Cultural (non-compliance)
- Dysfunctional relationships
…and the list goes on.
Rejection prolonged over a long period of time causes deep wounding to your spirit and soul.
It is common that if you are hurt by rejection, you build walls around you hiding the real-self behind a false self of reality. We do this to try and quieten the shaming voices of the past, to gain the approval of others.
HOW TO KNOW IF I AM STRUGGLING WITH SYMPTOMS OF REJECTION?
Are you suffering symptoms of:
- Fear of failure
HOW TO BE SET FREE
In order to be set free from rejection, you need to break free from your past. To do this, regardless of how painful it is, you need to face your past hurts, insecurities, guilt, resentments, disappointments, taking full responsibility for wrong thinking, wrong reactions to injustices, wrong choices & wrong behaviour.
It is easy to automatically want to blame your parents, spouse, other people, circumstances and even God for your wrong behaviour. It is important to invite Holy Spirit in this process, to guide you into a process of renunciation, confession, repentance and inner healing.
Transformation depends on renewing our minds, not on changing our circumstances past or present. Healing the memory of past trauma or rearranging the current situation fails to address the real problem…the remedy centrally involved repentance.
Laurence Crabb (1987)