Being a sole parent is hard work! Many sole parents find themselves in a position that is beyond understanding to another, unless they are or have been in a similar situation, i.e., raising children alone as well as being sole provider, physically, financially, emotionally and mentally.
Looking after dependents, holding down a job in order to provide for your single-income-family, you have already taken on the duties of what should fall on both parents. Finding yourself in a position where you have to play dual roles in the absence of the other biological parent –whether completely or partially absent, is least to say, challenging!
There is a lot of pressure that comes with being single. Whether it be Valentine’s Day approaching or cultural expectations that if you’re not married by 23, something must be wrong with you! Society makes out that being single is taboo and does not accommodate for the singles too well, often un-apologetically forcing you to question your single status.
Why are you still single? Why is it so hard to find a partner?
Unless you are single, you’d probably have no idea of the struggles that often present. If you want to go travelling – awesome, you often end up paying a single supplement (almost like a penalty) for simply being single. Want to eat out – great, but always having to face the dilemma of the likelihood of someone asking you, are you on your own?
You come home from a long day at work, to an empty, quiet house, nobody to ask you how your day is! You’ve just received some exciting news and grab your phone to share your news with someone who can get excited with you, someone who is invested in you, to end up putting the phone slowly back down when reality sinks in that there’s no one to call.
You’re invited to dinner with friends, you being the only single, and as you sit there listening to conversation, you look around and observe one couple holding hands, the other having a private joke, another gazing and smiling at one another….and again, reality screams, why am I still single?
You may ask yourself, is something wrong with me, am I not attractive, do I come across too strong, too quiet, too loud, how did I end up here!?
You sit down to write goals, a life-plan, and feel demotivated at having to plan life alone vs the thought of partnering up with someone, doing it together.
You reflect back on life, trying to pin-point, what happened? Am I not relationship material? Perhaps this is my punishment. You ask yourself, is this what God wants for me, to be doing life alone? If He is God and wants to fulfil my hearts desires, why am I still single, why doesn’t He just send me my dream partner, I mean, how hard can it be?
Disappointment floods in when you reflect on your past, frustration piles on when you think of your reality, anxiety kicks in when you think about the possibility that this may never happen!
At times, you dread the thought of having to face the emptiness of your own home, lying in bed alone, no-one to share with. Some days, you may be craving a simple hug, yet, again, reality kicks in…
It is really important that all lies and untruths of your current single status are exposed and demolished. There is nothing wrong with being single, in fact, being single has so many benefits. Freedom to make your own decisions, peace at home, you can quickly focus and achieve many goals that are difficult to do when in a relationship.
If finding a life partner is your desire, I believe it will happen, however, don’t sit back waiting. Life is way too short for that! Reflect on where you are at and write a list of all the things you’d like to do as well as what kind of person you’d like to present to your future life-partner.
These could be career goals which require further studies – enrol, do it! You may be hot headed with a bit of a temper – set yourself a goal to get this under control. You can set financial goals, so that when the time comes to partner up, you’re in a great financial position. Have dreams? Start working toward them, whether they be travel related, starting up a business, life is too short to be waiting around for Mr or Mrs Right!
You may want to set some physical goals – being physically fit and healthy is attractive.
Set yourself some goals, do not focus on what you don’t have, focus on what really matters. God’s Word already outlines where our primary focus needs to be, Matthew 6:33 – Seek first His and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well….
You may be thinking, how can I do that? Simple, work out what is your strength, your natural gifting and talents, and join a community project. It could be outreach or joining the creative team at your local church. It may be ushering, or kids ministry, maybe you’re a great cook and can join the catering team. Regardless of what your natural gifting is, do something!! Who knows, this may lead you to meet your life-partner!!
It is important to reject the lie that a partner will fill the voids you have. A great partner compliments. If you are feeling empty, depressed and think all of that will eliminate on the basis that you are with someone, that is a recipe to a bad relationship!
Set an action plan today with some goals of things you can work toward! Don’t wait for time to go by, use your time wisely, be productive, enjoy life, live life!